((Celacanto ))

(( The boob-onic plague ))

deu no Weekly World News


By MIKE FOSTER

LOS ANGELES -- Chesty swimsuit models and Hollywood starlets are running scared -- because of a new disease that whittles large breasts down into teensy nubs not much bigger than mosquito bites!

At least 500 cases of the bizarre boob-shrinking disease have been reported, the majority in California.

Known by physicians as Merot's Syndrome after the doctor who first identified it, it's been dubbed the "boob-onic plague" by wiseacres.

"I guess it's an attempt at gallows humor, but there's nothing funny about this illness," says a leading Los Angeles contagious-disease specialist.

"Many of the victims are extremely well-endowed and justly proud of the fact that their breasts aren't fake. When women go from a D-cup to an A-cup in a matter of weeks, it can be devastating to their self-esteem."

Researchers believe the disease is caused by a bacteria that feeds on body fat -- in particular, fat generated by the female hormone estrogen.

"That is why the organism attacks breast tissue, while leaving other body parts intact," explains Dr. Jean-Pierre Merot, the acclaimed French physician who first isolated the antibiotic-resistant bug.

In France, health officials estimate the number of victims to be 11,600.

"Now if you go to the French Riviera, which has always been famous for topless beach-goers, all you see is flat chests," says Dr. Merot. "And many thousand more victims hide at home in shame."

The highly contagious disease was likely brought to the U.S. by a tourist, according to a source at the CDC, which is quietly searching for a cure.

"We don't want every cheerleader in America in a state of panic," he says.

Chrystal T., a 23-year-old aspiring actress, was reduced from an eye-popping DD to a meager A when she fell victim to Merot's Syndrome.

"I used to be one of those girls guys fell off their bikes ogling and all the girls envied," she says. "Within a month, I was flat as an ironing board.

"Before I even got to a B, my boyfriend dropped me like a hot potato."

More disheartening is the fear and distrust she encounters from women.

"All my girlfriends have nice bodies and we used to hang out together, relax in the hot tub or whatever," Chrystal reveals.

"Now no one wants to get anywhere near me because they're afraid of catching this dreadful disease."